Christian Lawyers Are The New Racists

This post was reprinted on MercatorNet and The Catholic Beat.

Late last month, the law societies of Ontario and Nova Scotia voted against recognizing the validity of law degrees granted by the fledgling Trinity Western University School of Law in Langley, British Columbia.

What does this mean? Students who graduate from those law schools cannot be admitted to the bar in Ontario or Nova Scotia. Without any further evidence, they are assumed to be so bigoted that they cannot be allowed to practice law in these provinces.

Why? There is only one reason: because Trinity Western University explicitly does not approve of gay marriage. TWU is a Christian institution with a Community Covenant whereby students voluntarily pledge that they will abstain from "sexual intimacy that violates the sacredness of marriage between a man and a woman".

TWU is fully within its rights to have this policy; it is on constitutional grounds and no law society is attacking it directly. BUT, despite its supposed freedom of religion, TWU is now being ostracized.

Clearly, among upper-crust professionals, support for gay marriage has come to be viewed as obligatory to the point of being a litmus test of whether admission among their numbers will be allowed at all.

How far we have come in such a short time. Back in 2005, before same-sex marriage became legal in Canada, supporters of traditional marriage still had the perceived backing of the majority, and our views were treated with (at least feigned) respect and consideration. There were mighty overtures to placate us with reassurances of freedom of speech and freedoms of religion and conscience. There was even serious talk of a federal religious protection act.

Less than a decade later, defenders of traditional marriage are being shunned as equivalent, for all intents and purposes, to racists of the old American South.

As such, those lawyers who favoured recognizing TWU's law degrees now feel the heat to defend and justify themselves, as Vancouver attorney Tony Wilson did yesterday in the Globe & Mail. Mr. Wilson clarifies that "My decision to approve TWU wasn’t misguided or cowardly," and he explains that although he is an atheist, he voted in favour of TWU "[b]ecause I believe in the rule of law, and the rule of law must be paramount in a free and democratic society."

Alas, should the recent Mozilla incident be any indication of the fervor that Mr. Wilson is up against, no amount of logic or rational justification will prevail. His defense of TWO may be in line with the law, but to his colleagues, it is nonetheless an unpardonable breach of the party line. Such a small thing as the rule of law cannot be allowed to stand in the way of the progress of secular liberalism.

Hindsight is much clearer than the foggy future. That first marriage commissioner who was fined $2500 in 2008 for refusing to marry same-sex couples should have served as a red flag to every profession, even as many may have considered it to be an isolated case of direct servants of the state.

If marriage commissioners are the harbingers, worse is on the way. In 2011, the Saskatchewan government explicitly stipulated that marriage commissioners will lose their jobs unless they marry same-sex couples. And now the ideological net is already being cast much wider, to include the legal profession.

This should be a jarring wake-up call. The vote of the law societies of Ontario and Nova Scotia reaches far beyond TWU. It is really a judgement passed on every lawyer and law student in our country, no matter where they graduated.

The law societies may have no way (at present) of identifying the personal beliefs of most lawyers in time to prevent them from passing the bar, but if they could, they surely would. The clear message they have sent to us all is that any lawyer who does not approve of same-sex marriage is unfit for the bar. Shocking!

Think about it: once Christians and others who oppose the liberal agenda are removed from the practice of law, it won't take much for our legal protections to spiral downward.

I can only wonder what is coming next.

Only, I think I already know. History has gone through these gates before. I am reminded of this famous poem by pastor Martin Niemöller, who composed the following in reference to Nazi Germany:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.

In our own times, this poem could go something like this:

First they came for the unborn babies, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not an unborn baby.

Then they came for the marriage commissioners, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a marriage commissioner.

Then they came for the Christian lawyers, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a Christian lawyer.

Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.

Coming from a background of Communism, I find a totalitarian future much more easy to believe than generations of North Americans who have come to think of freedom as something secure that can never be whisked from under their feet.

The incredible thing is how our freedoms are already being narrowed even as life continues on as normal, and most people neither notice or care. Our everyday life is so very comfortable. It seems like nothing serious could possibly be going on that would drastically affect our liberties. We continue to focus happily on shopping, crafts and DIY projects, sports, hobbies, reading fun fiction, or whatever.

When will times change enough that the masses will actually feel it and get serious?

In 1989-90, my parents and I sat by the television on the edge of our seats, watching as millions of people protested in Russia and Eastern Europe and finally brought down Communism. It took over 50 hard years under outright dictatorship to get to that point. Generations of people had their entire lives derailed and even destroyed by a mistaken ideology before the masses finally demanded freedom and took back their countries.

What will it take for the truth to triumph in our current debate about sexual morality? I know that as always in history, the truth will be restored and recognized in the end.

I hope that I will live to see that moment. But as I watch the skies blacken and the winds of the hurricane gather overhead, I doubt that the moment of truth and liberation will come anytime soon.

Photo: SalFalko via photopin cc


Further Reading

• Do Canadian Christians Have the Right to Practice Law? by Albertos Polizogopoulos

My Rant About Discounts That Are Not Really Cheaper

This is an Ottawa-specific post that might not be of interest to anyone outside the local area, but I just have to rant a bit today, sorry.

I am NOT a fan of Boomerang Kids, the children's used-items store that has taken off in this city in recent years. They now boast five locations in and around the city, with one of these locations in our own neighbourhood (they also have three new locations in other nearby places, including one in Montreal). Recently they also launched a new web store, where you can buy used children's stuff online.

What's not to like? Oh, let me count the ways in which this store burns my candle at the wrong end. In a previous post I discussed their exclusionary policy of accepting and selling only brand-name clothing. This policy, in my opinion, is geared only at making a profit and actually prevents real bargains from reaching the moms who shop there.

But my biggest complaint, which I am focusing on today, is that they are a ripoff. Don't we all go in there looking for a deal? Don't we all expect that they will offer significant discounts on the items in their store? We don't have time to double-check the real new price of every single item they sell used, but we expect that the store will have done its homework and that it will offer a nice price-cut compared to buying the thing new, right?

Alas, the reality is that those discounts are often paltry. The straw that broke this camel's back was the time about three weeks ago when I wandered into their store once again, against my better judgement. I ended up paying about $25-30 (3 weeks later I have blocked out the real price, probably a survival instinct, but it was in that ballpark) for a package of 42 banged up hot wheels, a couple of which had to be thrown out immediately because they had irreparable damage, and MOST of which were not even real hot wheels cars but cheaper imitations. These cars are NOT in newish condition. There was also a pathetic hot wheels "school bag" included in that package, a black one-shoulder canvas that I will never use for anything.

I did immediately feel ripped off so I went online to check for the price of nice brand-new hot wheels. And what did I find? A 20-car gift pack costs $28.63 on Amazon.ca.  So let's see. I paid $25 (let's say) for about 38 (without the ones I threw out) fake hot wheels that are banged up. For about the same price, I could have had 20 shiny new perfect real hot wheels cars. While my price was a bit cheaper, this definitely doesn't sound like the deal of the century, does it?

And today, browsing Kijiji, I discovered this ad in my own area, selling 100 beautiful new-looking authentic hot wheels for $35. I felt totally sick to my stomach. This kind of ad is not even unique. AND the garage sale season is nearly here, when hot wheels will be handed out for quarters all over the neighbourhood.

My conclusion: Despite the convenience of having them in our neighbourhood, I will NOT be shopping at Boomerang Kids ever again. I would prefer to buy new, even if I pay a bit more - because compared to Boomerang Kids, it's really not that much more.

And I don't feel like giving them another cent.

Photo: internets_dairy via photopin cc

My Life Story and Saint John Paul II, My New Favourite Saint

What a wonderful day it is. Divine Mercy Sunday, my favourite religious feast, and a new Saint John Paul the Great, my favourite saint. My heart is filled with rejoicing!

About five years ago, I had the opportunity to tell my life story for Nothing More Beautiful in Edmonton, Alberta. My testimony was captured on camera and continues to be available online, so I thought I would share it here today. At the end, I quote from JPII, who had such an influence on my life.

I feel so blessed to be a part of the JPII generation!



By the way, I am also a fan of Saint John XXIII. Back when I was single and had time for such things, I read his profound autobiography Journey of a Soul, and that was more than enough to convince me that he was a very holy man.

Photo: Todd Ehlers via photopin cc

Do Women Need to Get More Confident?

Why are men so good at their own game? Women have donned power suits and crashed through the gates of professional occupations in droves, armed with smarts and determination. We have outperformed men in academic terms: we get better marks in school, and now there are more of us at universities.

But men are not phased. They continue to believe in their own invincibility, and even more maddening, they still have the last laugh as they rise to the top like bubbles (of hot air) in the career world while most women watch with bewilderment.

This month, the female fascination with the real-world success of men continues on the pages of The Atlantic, where a new article by two women journalists delves into the "confidence gap" between men and women and dissects it in great detail from all angles. 

It's something I have often noticed: on average, men seem more confident than women. My female brain would label it overconfidence, even arrogance. It's not uncommon to see a man talk with university-professor authority about matters they actually know little of. Women are not exempt from pontificating, but usually we have the opposite problem: holding back from speaking up even when we know what we are talking about.

Men aren't actually better; they just think they are (you would never guess that in fact, "investments run by female hedge-fund managers outperform those run by male managers."). While it may not be justified, their self-perceived competence does lead men to better workplace outcomes: "Success, it turns out, correlates just as closely with confidence as it does with competence".

Nature made us differently

What is it that makes men so confident? According to the article, there are both biological and 'environmental' explanations. Isn't it taboo to speak about the biological differences? Back in 2005, Harvard President Lawrence Summers was forced to resign because he implied in a lunchtime lecture that there might be some biological differences between men and women which explain why there are more men in top scientific and engineering positions.

And yet, here we are, we have to admit that men have 10 times more testosterone than women. Imagine someone who drinks 10 cups of coffee while you only have one (or none). Think it might cause some differences between you? 

Testosterone "helps to fuel what often looks like classic male confidence". It "encourages a focus on winning and demonstrating power", and it increases one's appetite for risk-taking. What's more, there's a "winner effect" to testosterone: winning increases the testosterone still more! Research on hedge fund traders has confirmed that those whose trades paid off ended the day with significantly more testosterone than when they started (one trader saw a 74% increase). 

And then there is estrogen. That hormone makes women, in essence, more concerned with getting along and seeking to bond and connect while avoiding conflict and risk taking. There is also the fact that women are more emotional than men, and that our brains are different. New research shows that women more easily trigger the "fear centers" of their brains, forming strong emotional memories of negative events (as many have noticed in relationships, "women are more apt to ruminate over what’s gone wrong in the past"). What's more, women are worrywarts by nature: the part of the brain which lets us "recognize errors and weigh options" is actually larger in women.

So there you have it. The male hedge fund managers leave work on a testosterone high, even more assured of their own invincibility and ready to play a round of rugby, while the female hedge fund managers are probably crawling home exhausted while re-playing their mistakes and worrying about their decisions. That's a huuuuuge difference between men and women. 

Oh, and one more major contrast: Women are moms! While the male hedge fund managers are coming home with the happy knowledge that their wife or nanny cared for their children all day while they were out providing for their family, the female hedge fund managers are probably running themselves ragged with the classic guilt of the torn working mother. Doesn't do wonders for one's confidence, that.

Women may have donned the scuba gear and jumped into the waters of the professional workforce, but men are like the seals doing cartwheels all around us. We are more graceful in our movements, we double check our facts and make sure we hear every perspective, we don't interrupt and we are well prepared for our meetings. But despite their clumsy appearance, their lecturing and forcefulness, their rough edges and sometimes lack of manners, nature has still better equipped men to succeed at their own game.

We raise boys differently

Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, the authors of the Atlantic article, also suggest that there are 'nurture' factors for why men don't seem nearly as phased by setbacks as women often are. They discuss how from an early age, boys are essentially toughened-up through failures and admonition in school and rough-housing between friends, as well as through team sports. They learn to take failure in stride and to let criticism slide off their backs. 

Girls, on the other hand, are often exemplary in a school setting (quiet, doing as they were told). They reap praise and rewards for being the perfect students. Unfortunately, real life is very different from the school setting. Girls get addicted to the praise of being "good girls" and never develop a thick skin or the courage to go out on a limb, which prevents real-life success later on.

The 'nurture' aspect of this equation also makes sense to me, and it is an eye-opener. In some ways this discovery is a surprise victory for the boys, who seem to languish in our present school system which favours girls. Turns out that while the girls get all the glory, the high marks and the chip on their shoulders, the boys are actually getting the school of life. All those admonitions and failures in the school setting teach boys to overcome real-life failures and to keep ploughing on and believing in themselves no matter what. Conversely, when the school bell rings for the last time, the girls don't make it far past the gate. 

How can we help girls to have more confidence? 

The article paints a rather woeful picture of nature and nurture conspiring to keep girls lacking in the secret ingredient of great career success, which men so unfairly possess without any effort. It seems discouraging, but if there is any hope to be found for increasing female confidence, it is clearly along the lines of changing the way in which we bring up girls, since there's not much hope of changing biology. 

We can roughhouse and criticize, and expose girls to more failure early on. Would it have the same effects as for the boys? Not sure about that. It seems to me that girls really are just more sensitive than boys, and tend to take negative feedback more to heart. To treat girls like boys might just leave them scarred for life.

One good idea is to put girls in team sports, because according to the article, participation in team sports is another very important way that boys acquire self-confidence for life. "Learning to own victory and survive defeat in sports is apparently good training for owning triumphs and surviving setbacks at work." Turns out there's a direct link between playing sports in high school and earning a higher salary as an adult.

But many girls already participate in team sports. Why aren't they getting the same benefits as boys? The trouble is, as generations of tomboys will tell us, that once puberty hits, nature takes the driver's seat. All that estrogen, all those emotions fizzing through the female brain like a newly-opened Coke can - worlds apart from the testosterone explosion that the boys are experiencing.

The result is that "girls are still six times as likely as boys to drop off sports teams," and most girls apparently drop off during adolescence. Not surprising, since girls have a whole bunch of other self-deprecating stuff to focus on at that age, namely body image in a world consumed with female appearance and sexuality. It's hard for girls to stay self-confident as they compare themselves with the unclad airbrushed models that are everywhere, Boys don't have that, and that is a major difference.

How to get girls self-confident in a culture that objectifies them?

That's a question we really need to answer. Boys are growing up in a normal world, where they are treated as persons and not hypersexualized and objectified. They experience setbacks and difficulties in school, but they are still valued for their accomplishments when they do succeed. 

Boys don't get the most confidence-killing messages of all, that they are only as valuable as their bodies are sexually attractive. In that sense, girls have a very different encounter with life, and their environment is far more hostile. In adolescence, boys are out there playing sports while most girls retreat to the bathroom, where they stare endlessly at their reflection, trying on makeup and hairdos. 

Get the girls out of that bathroom, and you are well on the way to giving them their self-confidence back. To start young, cut out the princess stuff. That cute Disney princess obsession is already priming them for focus on their bodies and appearance.

Fake it until we make it?

It turns out that we can make our brains more male with something called plasticity. Research indicates that as we change our thoughts and behaviour, our brains adjust by changing too. So the authors of the article suggest that women need to act with confidence, even if they don't feel confident. The key is to take action rather than overthinking and holding back. Over time, we will find that our brains have adjusted and confidence has become more natural for us.

I'm not sure how realistic that solution really is. If anything, it will just get us into more of a tangled mess because we will be hard on ourselves for not being able to carry through such advice. While the brain adjusts, it seems to be a long-term thing that happens over the course of a lifetime. How long would we have to pretend in order to change our brains? It's hard on a continual basis to sustain this kind of fake behaviour, which goes against female nature.

Change the workplace

It's great to try to increase women's confidence, but in some ways I don't like the implicit premise of this article, which is that women are somehow deficient because we don't measure up to the male standard of confidence. This is the whole problem with feminism from the very beginning - the quest to turn women into men, as if being a woman is somehow not good enough.

So what if men are more confident by nature? It doesn't mean that there is a problem with us. Women do think differently - the brain science has proven it! On average we are more cautious, we worry more, we empathize more, we avoid conflict more, we are more quiet rather than outspoken. But, so what? We are women, and those traits are a great asset we hold - we are the natural counterbalance to male impulsiveness and aggression. They need us, even if they don't realize it!

The real problem is that the working world is still a man's world. It is built around his qualities and his schedule, and that sets him up for greatest success. Women struggle to hang on as we fight both our nature and our family obligations while climbing those workplace ladders. Men don't have to deal with pumping breast milk in bathroom stalls, and they don't spend much time thinking about our problems. It's much easier for them, in today's aggressive workplace, to plough ahead.

What we should be doing is changing the working world.  We need to create policies and systems that allow women (and mothers) to thrive. We need a lot more off-ramps and on-ramps, rather than a linear career profession. We need more flex time and less face-time. We need supportive environments and various opportunities for women to be included in decision making, to have a chance to voice their opinions and ideas in non-aggressive ways, and to allow their own qualities to shine in a positive way in the workplace. 

Embrace who we are

Despite the above, I have my doubts that things can actually change much for women in the working world. The workplace is basically a coed hockey game, and whenever women play together with men, they are bound to end up second most of the time. We just aren't aggressive or confrontational enough to win at that game. Men will often emerge as the leaders, and we will find ourselves playing a supporting role.

But you know what? I don't think we should try to change ourselves just to win. Maybe the best thing we can do is to embrace the fact that we are different, and allow our nature to blossom rather than fighting it and treating it like a problem. To me, that is real feminism - loving what women are like, and being okay with ourselves as we are.

And just maybe, we don't always need to put ourselves through the stresses of an aggressive workplace. Rather than trying to fit the mold, we can move on elsewhere, where our feminine qualities are more useful and appreciated. Certain professions are populated mostly by women for a reason. They usually allow us to thrive more, and they are well worth considering for young women looking at their options.

The most important job of all

And then of course, there is the fact that our children still need us in the most important role we can have. Rather than sending our children to daycare while we try to be men in the workplace, just maybe we could consider something a little crazy: how about taking on the time-honoured role of full-time mom?

Something tells me that this would solve a lot of the societal ills we are currently experiencing, such as the peer orientation and bullying that are so prevalent among our young people.

And you know what? Our qualities may be a setback in the workplace, but they are actually perfect for raising kids. I remember reading an article a while back, which discussed research showing that stay-at-home dads act differently than stay-at-home moms. The dads spent less time with their kids overall, and still ended up focusing more on their own stuff, doing less housework, less cooking, and so-on. In other words, they were home, but not being moms.

No one else can replace moms. We are perfect for the role of keeping the nest, and we have the patience, the listening skills, the empathy and open affection, and the selflessness that it takes to spread the wings of our little peas and enable them to fly.

Imagine that!

Photo: The Bees Knees Daily via photopin cc

Happy Easter, Our Only Hope

Happy Easter!

Easter has come, Easter our only hope.

In the two weeks preceding Easter, I was busy clearing the back yard of all its autumn debris. As I was working, I thought about the dear people I have known who passed away in recent years. Some of them died in peace, while some did not go gently into the night. They left holes in many hearts, but none of them are here to witness the new spring arrive.

My list is much longer now than 10 years ago. It includes three brave women who lost the battle to cancer far too early in their lives, leaving children behind. It includes a young resident doctor who treated my newborn son, and died of cancer before my son turned one. It includes three dear family friends, and a brilliant classmate. It includes a fellow parishioner who was probably lonely in life, but who was accompanied in his last days by the Knights of Columbus. It also includes my dear grandfather, the gentle giant, my Pole Star.

It seems somehow unjust that life should continue on so innocently, as if no great tragedy occurred at the passing of these good people. We may mourn but spring has sprung, cheekily oblivious to the personal misfortune of poor mortals. Hosts of crocuses pop up on the lawn, Canada geese honk happily overhead, and bunnies, robins and even raccoons are visiting our back yard in mating pairs. Children frolic in muddy puddles. All is hope and joy.

But I stand back. I wonder, where are all those people now, who have preceded me to the unknown abyss?

My grandfather was a Legionary of Mary and spent his days living close to Christ. He was not afraid of death. After his catastrophic stroke he lingered on for a few days unable to speak and nearly paralysed. If he was aware then he surely believed he was about to enter the arms of his Creator.

Did he truly enter that celestial embrace?

Only Easter gives me that hope. Life without Easter is so painful that it is unthinkable. If Christ didn't resurrect, then there is no hope for our afterlife. Without Easter, we are no more than animated dust, alive for just minutes before we sink back into the earth as if we never existed. Without Easter we are mere animals, and there is no justice in the world from above. The world is a cruel madness, the most vicious and aggressive truly do get ahead and the meek and humble are fools.

We need Easter so badly. But does our need for a resurrection make it true?

Obviously not. This is the point at which hope, like a caterpillar, builds a chrysalis and emerges as faith.

We cannot know for certain what happened on Calvary two thousand years ago. There are some good arguments to support our faith in the resurrection. But in the end, we must still choose to believe something we do not really know. Sometimes that may not be easy, and there may be more hope than faith.

I look at the cross, the symbol that says so much. Life is suffering, death is suffering. The cross is a symbol of brutal death, and yet it is also a symbol of hope after death. If there is anything beyond this miserable, short life, then the cross is our only door to that new life in God.

I say that because to me, all other religions are not nearly convincing enough. I can't believe in reincarnation, or in other weird concoctions that are transparently irrational and man-made. My only hope is Christianity because it is in accord with human reason and experience, and because the teachings of the Catholic Church are so profound and complex that they appear to surpass human ability to fabricate. We just aren't capable of creating a system so vast, which contains such wisdom, rationality and insight into human nature.

To this day we do not fully understand the depths of the Bible and we are still discovering new ways in which it is applicable and true. Christianity continues to teach us about ourselves and make us better people. So I do believe that if the Creator of the world (which did not come from nothing) chose to reveal his incredible self to us, then he did so through Christianity.

Faith is hard. Especially in this scientific-rational age, it is tough to go by faith. We expect facts. We expect evidence. We expect conclusive proof.

But the curtain remains drawn. What happens after death remains an elusive mystery. We get some rumours, we get some whispers, idle speculation. How can anyone really know, unless they have been there? The empty tomb of Jesus remains a wildly daring promise unparalleled in history.

The empty tomb. A promise of new life, new hope. The promise that when we die, we are more than dry leaves fallen into the ground. We are not mere autumn debris to burn or throw on the compost pile. At our death, we will be born anew into the arms of God.

Is this why Easter happens in the spring?

Photo credits: First photo- Linh H. Nguyen via photopin cc. Second photo- koadmunkee via photopin cc, Third photo- Julia Folsom via photopin cc.

7 Children's Books & Authors We Love

We must have read hundreds of children's books by now. Our own home library is rather large, and then there are the weekly trips to the library, when we come back sometimes with 30 books in our bags. So here is a roundup of some of our top favourites:

1. Dr. Seuss

Dr. Seuss is the most-read children's author in our family. My personal favourite collection is Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories, which presents more obvious moral lessons than his other books. In Yertle the Turtle, the turtle king's greed contributes to the misery of all of his turtles until it finally leads to his dethronement, and the restoration of freedom for his turtles. I love the ending:

And the turtles, of course...the turtles are free
As turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be.

There are two other stories in this book: Gertrude McFuzz, and The Big Brag. Gertrude McFuzz is a bird that tries to grow more feathers to outshine another prettier bird, and this results in her being completely unable to fly. She has to get all the feathers plucked out again, and learns to love who she is. Here is the great ending:

And, finally, when all of the pulling was done,
Gertrude, behind her, again had just one...
That one little feather she had as a starter.
But now that's enough, because now she is smarter.

Finally, in The Big Brag, a bear and a rabbit argue about which of them is better than the other.  The beginning is perfect:

The rabbit felt mighty important that day
On top of the hill in the sun where he lay,
He felt SO important up there on that hill
That he started in bragging, as animals will

In the end, a little worm shows up and very wittily finishes the story by showing how the bear and the rabbit are completely foolish to be arguing like that.

Another favourite of ours is Horton Hears A Who! One thing I love about this wonderful story is its prolife message. As Horton faithfully protects the little speck of dust which contains Whoville, he keeps repeating "After all, a person's a person no matter how small."

One of the best things we've done is get the main Dr. Seuss books on audio CD. The children absolutely love to listen to these, especially during meal times or in the car, and the renditions are truly very good.  Our favourite is probably Dustin Hoffman's rendition of Horton Hears a Who! in The Cat in the Hat and Other Dr. Seuss Favorites. He uses great accents and really brings the story alive. We also enjoy listening to Green Eggs and Ham and Other Servings of Dr. Seuss.

2. Mike Mulligan and More: Four Classic Stories, by Virginia Lee Burton

This volume contains four Virginia Lee Burton stories. Our favourite has always been The Little House, where Burton beautifully illustrated and told the story of a little family house that was built with love by a family out in the countryside, and was never to be sold for money. As the years went on the city came closer until it finally grew around the little house and nearly stifled it. In the end the house is moved back out into the countryside by the great-great-grand-daughter of its original owners.

My children never tire of this story, and they've also enjoyed Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, and Katy and the Big Snow. The only story that has not caught on with us is Maybelle the Cable Car.

3. Mary Ann Hoberman

I discovered author Mary Ann Hoberman fairly recently, and I am completely taken with her wonderful poetry. Rich language, great rhymes, witty and interesting. One of the best children's authors ever!

One of Hoberman's best series has got to be the "You Read to Me, I'll Read to You" series, which comprises several different books. I haven't seen them all. So far my favourite is You Read to Me, I'll Read to You: Very Short Fables to Read Together. In this volume, she managed to translate Aesop's fables into, essentially, short two-voice plays that are thoroughly enjoyable and reach even young children.

We have also really liked her A House is a House for Me and The Llama Who Had No Pajama: 100 Favorite Poems, which is probably the best poetry collection for children that I have yet come across. One thing I appreciate about her poetry is that it is truly child-friendly. It deals with subjects that are of interest to children, and it is good and pure fun and literary beauty. It is not singed with sarcasm or dark humor the way that Roald Dahl tends to be (I actually strongly dislike him) or even Shel Silverstein can be as well, although his poetry is also truly hilarious and original.

4. The Complete Adventures of Curious George

All three of our children, but especially Sophia, love Curious George. She loves to read this book over and over, and always asks to have it read to her. It continues to occupy a place of honor on our living room coffee table where it is constantly being flipped through.

5. The World of Peter Rabbit, by Beatrix Potter

We love Peter Rabbit and all the little Peter Rabbit books that are included in this set. The set is pricey, but these books can also often be found at thrift stores on in other much more affordable volumes. Initially I didn't think my children would appreciate the older-style British English, and that the stories would seem too foreign to their world. But surprisingly, they love these stories!

Actually, what has probably brought alive these stories most for us has been the incredible DVD version of many of these tales. This DVD collection is just fantastic, and probably available at your library. What's more, some of these stories are also available on YouTube!

Here is one of our favourite DVD stories, The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies and Mrs. Tittlemouse:

6. The Berenstein Bears' Big Book of Science and Nature

This book is a great introduction to science and nature for kindergarten-age children. Written in rhyme and actually contains lots of information, with humorous illustrations! Our children have been loving it.

We also have other Berenstein Bears books, and one of our favourites is The Berenstein Bears and the Gift of Courage, which contains a good lesson in standing up to bullies and not being afraid. I think this book actually helped Hannah to be more brave with her siblings!

7. A Treasury of Jillian Jiggs by Phoebe Gilman

I bought this book used, and didn't know what to expect. It was a total hit! The children laughed so hard the first time we read through this volume, and wanted to read all the stories a few times over right away. It is written in witty rhyme with great illustrations, kids can really relate to Jillian Jiggs. A great find for us.

"I'm scared of the monster," said her little sister.
Jillian held her and Jillian kissed her.

This post is part of a 7 Quick Takes series hosted by Jennifer Fuller's blog
Conversion Diary. Please visit her blog to read the posts of many other bloggers
who have published their own 7 Takes!

For bloggers who might be visiting from 7 Quick Takes:
Thanks for coming by, and please let me know who you are so
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Photo credits for all photos in this post: Lea Singh, All Rights Reserved.
For permission to use, please contact me.

Mozilla is a Weather Vane

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If history were like the weather, our times would surely be like a forming hurricane. Conditions for this hurricane have been favourable for decades (many would trace back the disturbed weather to Roe v. Wade and to the advent of the contraceptive pill), but in recent years there is no doubt that wind speeds have seriously intensified, and here in North America we are now witnessing something close to a tropical storm.

On one front, the American government is brazenly attempting to force religious institutions or private businesses to abandon their most deeply held beliefs by covering services they deeply hold to be immoral. Should. be. shocking. Ten years ago, many of us would have had a hard time believing this could happen.

On another front just this week, Mozilla. It's nice to see Americans rallying the troops, blocking Mozilla and flooding the web browser HQ with negative feedback. What's different about this case? It represents an escalation in ideological intolerance - in the past, people didn't lose their jobs for disagreeing with the liberal agenda, but today that is openly starting to happen. Shameless intolerance in the name of tolerance.

Where is all this going? What will the full-on hurricane look like once (probably not if) it comes? By all signs it will be coming soon.

As a mother, I worry. Will my three tots, so happy and oblivious to it all, one day be told that they are unemployable because they obey their conscience and the teachings of their religion, not some extremist sect but the two-thousand-years-old Catholic Church upon which our entire civilization is in many ways founded? Will they have to whisper their beliefs only in secret, pass around samizdat, immigrate to other countries to preserve their freedoms?

Only, there may be no other countries to run to. Seems to me we are experiencing a worldwide phenomenon here, not just a North American idiosyncrasy.

Not sure what can be done about it. There is a whole lot of good fighting going on at the Supreme Court, in the political arena, in the blogosphere. But my sense is that there is no turning back. The wall of the tsunami is a shadow headed for us in the distance. The tropical storm is turning into a hurricane. 

Gather your children in your arms. 

Brace for impact.

Kids Need Parents More Than Friends: The Genius of Gordon Neufeld

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If you are a parent or an educator, here is someone you need to hear about: Dr. Gordon Neufeld, developmental psychologist. This guy seriously needs to speak at TED!!! His insights into today's children and teenagers are so poweful that they should spark a revolution in how we parent and educate in our society.

I came across Dr. Neufeld's book Hold On to Your Kids while I was still working, before I had children. At the time, I thought it made sense but it didn't affect me very deeply. Now as a parent, I have re-discovered Dr. Neufeld at a whole new level. I hugely appreciate his incredible insights into children's behavior and the resulting strategy that he has developed for effective parenting.  

For a taste of Dr. Neufeld's message, view this YouTube talk:

Dr. Neufeld's key message: we should be focusing on attachment. A huge chunk of our children's mysterious behavior can be explained by looking at their primary attachments.

When children are peer-oriented (meaning, they look primarily to their peers for affection and approval) then they will behave in ways that attempt to please their peer group. This will actually impede their maturation process. They will will be subject to the "rule of cool" that is rampant in their peer group, they will be very vulnerable to peer bullying, and they will be difficult to educate or parent, because they will be uninterested in learning from parents or teachers.

On the other hand, when children are primarily adult-oriented, they will be more interested in mimicking adults, and they will be far easier to educate and to parent effectively. They will have immunity to peer bullying, they will be far better socialized, and they will mature into responsible adults earlier.

In our society, peer orientation has become the norm. It wasn't always this way, and Dr. Neufeld makes the point that this development is rather new, but it has been around for a couple of generations, at least in our North American society (in other more traditional societies, this is not true). Here, older generations don't remember life being any other way, and they think that it's normal for their children to ditch them for their friends almost as soon as they start going to school.

I think that a lot of parents find it reassuring when their children are strongly bonded to their peer group, even if they are rolling their eyes at hanging out with adults or giving adults bad language and attitude. Being peer oriented is often mistaken for being well socialized, and parents might see it as a sign of their children being healthy and normal. But Dr. Neufeld throws this completely in reverse, and says that the opposite is true: peer-oriented kids are not well-socialized at all, and their maturation process is actually in distress.

So, as parents and educators, how to set things right? Dr. Neufeld does a lot more than identify the problem: he offers a concrete solution called attachment parenting. Another stroke of genius - he extends the "attachment parenting" of Dr. Sears' fame to children older than infants/toddlers. Here are a couple of Youtube videos by Neufeld that address the topic of parenting with a view to fostering healthy attachment in kids.

  

Dr. Neufeld has changed my whole attitude to my children. Before I understood Dr. Neufeld's theory, I was in many ways blind to their attachment needs. It wasn't a complete mess, but I wasn't making the most of things. For example, when my children would ask to be held or played with, I would often try to brush them off or distract them into independent activities or playing with each other. Lots of valid reasons on my part: being busy with something else, being tired, needing a break, etc.  

Now I try to really make the time, summon up that extra reserve and give them a bit of my time even when I'd rather be doing something else. I understand that they need it if they ask for it, and I am now consciously trying to foster the healthy attachment that they have to me. I also try to be as available as possible for them during the day, to interact with them and to listen to them. We even moved the two youngest into our bedroom again, and that has created such happiness for these two little peas, who never liked sleeping in their own rooms - they always wanted to be with us at night! We used to think this "dependence" was something to break, but now we know that it is actually a desire for attachment that is healthy.

Dr. Neufeld runs the Neufeld Institute in Vancouver, which presents live and online courses to parents and educators, equipping them to interact with children in light of his truly revolutionary insights on attachment. His Institute also sells some of these courses on DVD. Unfortunately they are quite pricey, so I think that personally, I will be sticking with the free information and videos that are available online. Thankfully, there is quite a bit out there!

By the way, Dr. Neufeld's co-author for Hold On To Your Kids was Dr. Gabor Mate, and he also has some awesome talks on YouTube. Here is a great talk by him regarding peer orientation and parenting:

My "Good Life Recipe" for Young People

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Young people are searching for life advice online. Advice columns continue to be very popular, and there are many articles out there offering contradictory advice on everything from relationships to careers.

It's no surprise that there is such hunger for online help with life's difficult situations. Life is lived backwards. We are dealt some of our most challenging life decisions when we are clueless teenagers or barely starting to get serious in our 20s. How much easier things would be if we could start out with the wisdom and self-knowledge of our old age.

I am 37, so not exactly ancient but old enough to have been born well into the previous century. I still remember vividly what it was like to be in my teens and twenties, but I can now assess those years with hindsight (which, as they say, is 20/20). So I thought I would add my own "good life recipe" to the mix of online advice for young people.

Who am I to tell young people what to do? I don't claim to have any special expertise beyond having gone through life until now. This advice is unsolicited but free! Take it at your own risk. Here are my top tips for young people today:

1. Resist peer orientation

If you live your life to please your peers, you will accomplish nothing. Seeking the approval of your classmates will suck all true originality and life out of you.

Peer popularity is all about conformity. Most teenagers today have an overwhelming need to fit in with their peer group. This is why bullies have so much power: the worst possible thing that can happen to most young people is to be rejected by their peers. 

What's more, seeking popularity usually drives people down to the lowest common denominator. Your peers have a twisted set of values that is all about the short term: hooking up, partying, having fun. If you are trying to get cool or stay cool, you will probably end up doing all the wrong things. The last thing you want is to be known as the geeky good kid, right?

Live your life like an adult. Skip ahead of the curve, and minimize teenage preoccupations in your life right now. Your peers might not get it, but one day they will wish they had followed your lead. Don't let bullies get you down, and don't let your life be determined by the cool kids, who have no clue about what is best for your future (or theirs).

The best thing you can do to save yourself from an unhealthy peer orientation is to hang out with people of many different ages, and especially to become friends with adults. Re-discover your parents and your extended family (they're not even bribing me to say this). Find mentors who are older than you.

For centuries, young people were raised in cross-generational contexts where it was normal to spend lots of time with older people. Today we have been brainwashed into thinking that it's normal to spend all our time with people who are the exact same age.

Don't drink the kool-aid. Your peers can't lead you through the maze of your life because they are lost too. Close friendships with older adults are your best protection from the predatory bullying and negative influences of your immature peers.

2. Don't waste your life as a victim

Everyone who has been hurt in life has a choice to make: living the rest of their life as a victim, or stepping out of the ruins and building a new beginning. Don't let yourself stay paralysed by the damage you suffered. Be a phoenix. Lots of people have triumphed over their miserable hands in the cards of life, and you can too. Conquer your handicaps.

Here are some inspiring stories of those who overcame:

• Nick Vujicic, born without arms or legs. There are a whole bunch of incredible videos of him on Youtube, check them out (here's one for a start).

• Tom Monaghan - billionaire and founder of Domino's Pizza. Grew up dirt poor. His father died when he was a toddler, and his mother couldn't provide for the family, so for several years he lived in a foster home and an orphanage.

• Joyce Meyer - sexually abused as a young girl, she went on to become one of the most popular evangelists ever.

• Oprah Winfrey - as many people know, she was raped when she was 9 years old. She overcame.

• Jacob Barnett. When he was a toddler he stopped speaking for a year and a half, and was diagnosed with autism and Asbergers Syndrome. His parents were told he would have trouble functioning; instead, at 15 years old, he is considered one of the world's most promising physicists.

• Lucas Vialpando - wrestler with cerebral palsy. Told by many that he could never wrestle, he has proven them all wrong.

• What do Barak Obama, Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos (founder of Amazon.com) have in common? They all come from broken family relationships - Steve Jobs was given up for adoption by his biological parents, and the biological fathers of Barak Obama and Jeffrey Bezos went splitsville very early in their sons' lives.

• Let the next person on this list be YOU.

3. Girls, learn to respect your bodies

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via photopin cc

Our culture is toxic for young women. Soft-core pornography is mainstream and it is everywhere, from MTV videos to video games. Even the lingerie ads at our bus shelters are teaching girls from an early age to think of themselves as candy, and soon the most important attribute we can have in this world is our appearance. 

What a mixed message. We can be CEOs and presidents, but we are also supposed to be the equivalent of pole dancers in a strip club. Many girls continue to suffer from anorexia, bullimia, suicide and depression because of unhealthy obsessions with their appearance. Girls are giving boys everything they want, however and whenever they want it.

Stop the cycle of self-abuse. Break free of the mirror. Stop using your body to win love; it never works, and only leaves you crying and feeling used and worthless. Wait for a guy who will respect you by NOT using you. That's true love. 

4. Boys, learn to respect girls

Start by cutting out the porn. It's no secret that a huge percentage of teenage boys are checking out or even hooked on that stuff. If that includes you, don't delude yourself into thinking it is a normal part of being a guy. Porn is drugs, and it will destroy you like cocaine. It fries your brain and it will corrupt your relationships with women like a cancer. Break free at all costs.

5. Do what is right, even if no one will find out

Live an ethical life. Cheating, lying, and hurting others should never be how you get ahead. Otherwise, peace will always elude you and you will be a fraud, above all to yourself. Do the right thing every time. Fight off temptation. Have courage. Obey your conscience. Live in truth. If you often have trouble determining right from wrong, see number 7. Your foggy moral glasses will get much clearer once you get closer to the source of truth and goodness.

6. Ask the big questions

Socrates once said that "The unexamined life is not worth living". Don't get sidetracked into pursuing the wrong things in life and letting go of the things that really matter.

If you are hoping that the next new thing, person or achievement will bring you the profound inner joy that has so far eluded you, you are in for a lifetime of disappointments. Your hunger for meaning will never be quenched in a store or by other human beings, and even gold medals will leave you restless at the end of your life. We desire far more than this world can give back to us. Only someone greater than any pitiful creature of creation can give you the fulfilment that you are seeking.

The human heart yearns for God. Dare to ask about Him. Dare to tackle the tough questions. Is there any more to life? Where did this world come from? What makes something right or wrong? Where does goodness, truth and beauty come from? Is there life after death? Seek Him with an open mind and with humility, and you might just be Surprised by Joy.

7. Read like your life depends on it

Reading can't be replaced by staring at a TV screen. I don't care how many Blue Planet programs you watch, you will still learn a lot more about our world by reading. The depth of knowledge that is transmitted through the written word is unparalleled by any other medium. Learn to read every day.

What to read? Don't waste your time on trashy romance novels or juvenille lit, or comic books that are not worth the paper they are printed on. Try to read classic fiction, which contains valuable lessons and questions about human nature. Also read nonfiction: follow online websites that discuss the things you are interested in, get a magazine subscription. Read about people who have lived their lives well. Read news and opinion online.

Reading will teach you more about yourself - your opinions and interests will begin to take shape, and you might even find that you want to get more involved in various causes, or study an area of interest more seriously by taking courses.

8. Be a producer, not a consumer

Some people make things happen, while others only watch. Think about this as you sit on your couch one day watching TV: there are millions of people out there doing the same thing, merely watching TV shows mindlessly, some for many hours a day. But there are other people who work hard writing those very TV shows every day, exercising their imaginations and producing something. It is an irony that the people who wrote the movie and show scripts probably don't watch that much TV themselves, because they are far too busy creating things and being productive.

Don't be content merely to consume what others have produced. Be one of the people who contributes to making this world a better place. Do something productive with your time: write, get involved, do whatever you can.

9. Do something extraordinary while you are still young

You are capable of something incredible right now. You might live at home and be a student, feeling like you can't possibly do anything significant until you enter the "real world", but this is a paralysing myth: pop it. Don't waste away your youth in the party scene, on endless video games, or in other unproductive ways.

There are countless examples of young people doing fantastic things, from programming million-dollar apps to writing novels, starting successful businesses and nonprofits, and standing up courageously for human rights (check out lists of such young people: 1,2,3,4). You can be one of these young people. Take charge of your life and put your dreams into action.

10. Plan out your future, work at your goals

Establishing goals is an important part of reaching them. If you don't know what you want and where you are going, you will have a hard time arriving at the best possible destination. Set big goals and work towards achieving them.

During my high school years, motivational speaker Brian Tracy made a big difference in my life. His seminars taught me how to put my life in order, set goals and reach them. I carried out his advice, and it worked wonders for me. One of the goals I set for myself back then was to get into Harvard. At the time it seemed totally crazy and unachievable. I was a lower-income immigrant at a public school in faraway Alberta. I had no connections to exclusive American Ivy League schools. But I got there - on scholarship. Not a bad turnaround. Thanks, Brian Tracy!

11. Fit your career to your personality

The Meyers-Briggs Personality Test is used by many employers for a reason. Your personality is not likely to change much as you get older, and it is one of the best indicators of what fields and jobs your will most enjoy and excel in. Go where your personality type is happiest!

I took the Meyers-Briggs in college and was completely floored to discover that someone actually understood me! My Meyers-Briggs profile fit me to a T, and still does. Looking back, I wish I had let it guide my career choices more. By the way, Amazon.com intentionally hires mostly INT-type personalities. And did you know that business schools are filled mostly with ENTJs? 

12. When choosing careers, keep your future family in mind

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You are probably capable of having all kinds of careers, but only some of them may have the qualities that will maintain your sanity later on when you have a family.

Women in particular should give thought to this issue. Your feminist streak might rebel - in the ideal world, women should be able to do anything, not holding back for any reason. But the reality is that if you become a mother one day, then your children will need you a lot, especially when they are little. And believe me, you will want to be there for them. As much as you love your amazing job (whatever it may be), those little helpless creatures that depend on you for everything will make you want to throw your briefcase into the wind. If your career stands between you and your children, you may end up having to make sacrifices that really hurt.

Do the research: how do mothers fare in your chosen career? How common are features such as flex time, part-time work, work from home, off-ramps and on-ramps? It's a fact that some careers are far more family-friendly than others. Plan ahead and choose wisely, and one day your family will reap the benefits.

Staying home with children? Consider it a real option. Though it often gets a bad rap in our dual-income society, your own family might well benefit from the ancient practice of having the mother take care of her own children on a daily basis (imagine that!).

13. Start your family early

Many in my generation believed that we first needed to "establish" ourselves in our career, and buy the house and the two cars, before even thinking about having kids. It's true that there are certain benefits to having children later in life, and financial security is one of them.

But there are many more benefits to having children early. The most important of these is that having a baby is the best thing that can happen to you! There is no more rewarding and incredible experience in life than becoming a parent to a real mini-human, and watching the entire process of human development occur from scratch. Every other life offering pales in comparison - why put off the biggest adventure that life has to offer? Have a child early, and maximize the years of your greatest joy and meaning in life.

Having a baby is one of the most life-altering things you can do. I can think of other life changing events: winning the lottery, for example! But even that would probably not change your life so completely as having a baby.

Once your baby comes, you will enter a period of intense brain re-shuffling when the priorities you've had for all of your pre-child life may seem a lot less pressing, and new priorities may emerge as the most important things in life.  Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, through this reshuffling process you will become the new person that you will be for the remainder of your adult life. 

And here's the point: it's better to turn into that butterfly early on, and live the whole rest of your life in accordance with your mature priorities. Why waste a third of your life following a plan that might seem misguided to your mature self? For example, once you have a baby, the career that you worked so hard for might actually become an obstacle to your good parenting, or all those years spent cruising through life as a single person might suddenly emerge as wasted time.

Here are a few other reasons why it's better to have children earlier on:

• You get to enjoy their own adult lives longer, play more with future grandchildren, etc. My parents-in-law, who had their children very early, have already celebrated the 50th birthday of two of their children. Wow!
• When the children are older you can go back to school or start your career and still have your prime career-building years ahead of you.
• Having children early means you can have a large family, should you wish to do so!
• Far less fertility problems. Women's fertility drops drastically after 35, and many struggle with conceiving after 40. These are the statistics. As with life expectancy, many defy the odds; I personally know at least two women who conceived naturally at 44. They won the lottery, but the odds are still against us at that age.
• Healthier babies. I would never abort a baby for any dysfunction. That said, having children later in life means that the chances of various conditions are greatly increased. This is true for both older mothers and older fathers. 
• Healthier pregnancies. The health risks of pregnancy go up with age, and older mothers have more risky pregnancies that can endanger both them and their babies. Why go through that?
  

14. Put a lot of effort into finding the right spouse

Possibly no other decision will affect your life happiness more than whom you choose to marry. And yet, people routinely spend far more time planning out their careers and searching for jobs than they do searching for spouses.

Many people do nothing concrete to find their spouse; they still hold out hope that they will lock eyes with their soul mate at the grocery store or at the bar. If you translate this approach to careers, it's like waiting to get hired by a stroke of luck in a taxi cab, like in the movie Pursuit of Happiness. Would you approach your career with the same strategy that you have for finding your spouse?

My suggestion: approach dating with the same mentality you have towards work: look for a spouse as if you are looking for a dream job. Here's what that means:

• Go online. I may be partial as my husband and I met on Catholic Match, but the efficiency of the internet just can't be beat. It's an awesome way to do the first few rounds of selection.
  
• Don't waste years of your dating life on any one person. I know people who dated for nine or more years before finally breaking up and starting their spouse search all over again. What a waste of prime dating years. You should know before a year is up, and often sooner, whether someone is a good match for you. If you don't know, then you are either fooling yourself or you don't know what you are looking for. Get your priorities in order and stick to them, even if it means saying goodbye.   
• Don't let rejection put you in the deep freeze. I actually know people who completely stopped dating for years after getting dumped by someone they loved. While I feel for them, I urge you not to follow that path. After all, would you stop hunting for a job if you got fired? Most people would soon get out there, distributing resumes and trying their hardest. Take the same attitude with dating, and you will be successful much faster.

15. Live authentically and minimize your regrets

Study the common regrets of other people and you will find a guide to how to live your own life. A couple of years ago, Forbes ran an article describing the top 25 regrets that people rack up over their lifetime. Among them: not standing up to bullies in school and in life, not trusting ourselves enough, living life to please our parents instead of following our own dreams, hanging out with the wrong friends, not trusting our gut instinct, not going for the dream job, and others. Avoid the mistakes that others have made.

Jeffrey Bezos, founder of Amazon.com, chooses to live according to a "Regret Minimization Framework." Not a bad idea. Your life is only yours to live, and you only get one chance; make sure it is the life that you truly want to live.

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