Why same-sex parenting is unjust, and heterosexuals are wrong too

April 19, 2015

By Lea Z. Singh |

In some ways, it's easier to be a baby monkey
than a baby human these days.
I just discovered Katy Faust, who blogs at asktheBigot and wrote this amazing article for Public Discourse. Katy was raised in a lesbian household, so she speaks from first-hand experience when she discusses how the children of same-sex families often suffer from a lot of loss and grief, stemming from the absence of one of their biological parents.

She has some really great quotes in her article, among them:
Same-sex parenting is not unique in the alternative family landscape. What is unique is encouraging an alternative parenting structure guaranteed to deny a child’s right to a biological parent. In no other situation does society promote such a loss.
It's striking that in Canada there is no longer any debate at all on this topic. The opposition has been silenced, and gay parenting has been thoroughly normalized. We never hear about the "other parent". No one talks about the biological father or mother who is missing from the family of each and every child that is raised in a gay household. All we ever hear is the mantra that "some children have two mothers or two fathers", as if children were born into same-sex households naturally, as if both of their same-sex social parents were their actual biological parents.

The truth is though, that while some families may be headed by two same-sex persons, each child actually has one mother and one father. Every child in a same-sex family has had their natural biological family broken, and his or her contact and relationship with one of those biological parents has usually been either eliminated or otherwise negatively affected.

Many gay households have children as a result of the preceding divorce of a heterosexual family, and others have children with the help of sperm or egg  donors and rented wombs. In her article at Public Discourse, Katy provides some poignant examples of how children raised in same-sex households often miss the biological parent who is not present in their family, and how they long for an opposite-gender parent. She even gives her own example:
I grew up surrounded by women who said they didn’t need or want a man. Yet, as a little girl, I so desperately wanted a daddy. It is a strange and confusing thing to walk around with this deep-down unquenchable ache for a father, for a man, in a community that says that men are unnecessary. There were times I felt so angry with my dad for not being there for me, and then times I felt angry with myself for even wanting a father to begin with.
But it's important to realize that this is not just a lesbian or gay family issue. Heterosexual families often engage in the same commercial attitude towards children. They too feel free to completely disregard the human rights of children whose manufacture (to specifications) they often purchase.

Today, the business of third-party-assisted reproduction is a giant industry worth billions of dollars, and heterosexuals make up a large percentage of its worldwide business. Heterosexual couples and single people (such as Single Mothers by Choice) continue to commission the manufacture of babies who will be raised apart from one or both of their biological parents.

The repro-tech industry is a giant house of mirrors where nothing is at it seems. The social parents-to-be, who may be biological strangers, are truly the new gods of their children's lives - they make or destroy these babies as it suits them. And yes, they do destroy - they trash "extra" embryos, and they abort when the child is imperfect, when a pregnancy "takes" with too many embryos, even when they have just simply changed their minds about having the baby.

But at the end of this series of rather ruthless commercial transactions, out of the mirror house emerges a smiling "perfect" family, and everyone cheers and claps. No one seems to stop to think deeper than the magazine photo-op. But the children do carry life-long scars, and Katy Faust does a good job of pointing them out.

It is hard to oppose something that you are doing yourself. It is much easier to applaud when others commit further injustices than it is to reverse your own moral decay.

When heterosexual parents stop using gamete donors to have kids, that will be the time to revisit the problems inherent in same-sex parenting. But I'm not holding my breath. Much of our society is now so completely enslaved to their own desires and whims, it seems impossible that people can ever say "no" to something they want. If it is legal they will usually do it, even when it is completely unethical.

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